Thursday, 7 September 2017

Formal Email: Self Introduction

Subject: Self introduction

Dear Professor Blackstone,

I am writing to you to formally introduce myself and to let you know more about my background in communications. Firstly, communicating in english is not my forte as I come from a mandarin-speaking family where I do not have the luxury to practice speaking at home. Secondly, I have an introverted personality where I don’t speak much in school. This habit adversely hinders my ability to communicate well with people.

I understand that communication skills are important in today’s world and it is of paramount importance to be equipped with such soft skills.

Personally, I feel that my weakness is lacking confidence in public speaking. When speaking to a large crowd or even a small tutorial class, I tend to get nervous at times. Being unable to clearly express myself, I will stutter on my words which causes me to lose my train of thoughts. For example, during a class presentation in polytechnic, I had prepared myself beforehand. When it was my turn, I got butterflies in my stomach. I lost focus and the words coming out from my mouth were disorganized. My classmates and lecturers sometimes may not understand what I am presenting and thus it adversely affected my results.

In contrast, being a good listener is my strength. I always find myself engaged in a proper conversation with my friends. I believe that active listening is a form of good communication because it shows my willingness to enter a conversation with the speaker, paying close attention to what the other party has got to say, and I could respond to them appropriately. Many times, when my polytechnic project mates are voicing out their opinions on a problem, I will listen attentively to their ideas and not interrupting them, giving them a chance to express their thoughts.

By the end of this module, I hope to be confident at public speaking and probably writing communication as these soft skills are beneficial not only in academics but also for future work purpose. I look forward to attending your class and hope that I can learn something new every day.

Thank you.

Hong Yu
SIE2016 Group 5

22/09/17 21:20
20/09/17 23:40
19/09/17 00:46
13/09/17 21:00
11/09/17 23:05
07/09/17 13:40

Read & Commented:
Jun He's blog (blog group)
Glenna's blog (blog group)
Zhouzhi's blog (blog group)
Yong Quan's blog (group 5)
Jerome's blog (group 5)
Wei Jie's blog (group 1)


  1. Thank you for being one of the first to post this assignment, Hong Yu. I look forward to reading your classmates' responses. I'll get back to you later.

  2. Hi Hong Yu,

    I believe you've made some grammatical mistakes in your writings.

    1) In paragraph 1 (line 2), you've already used the word 'english' in the first half of the sentence, so you do not need to mention it in the second half. For example, you could've said '... and privilege to practice speaking at home' since you've already mentioned the word 'english' before. Furthermore, 'english' should be in lowercase as well since it isn't a course name.

    2) Word form error such as 'introverted personality' (paragraph 1, line 3) since introvert is a noun and you should've used an adjective here. Verb form error (paragraph 3, line 5) where you mentioned 'were disorganize'. It's a past participle so you could've used 'disorganized' instead.

    3) (paragraph 3, line 2) Same issue as the first pointer where you've used double 'I' here. 'and started stuttering or...' could've been better.

    Apart from those, the reflection is very insightful and I wish you all the best.

    Best regards,
    Jun Peng

    1. Hi Jun Peng,

      Thanks for your "diagnosis" on my blog. I have already made the necessary changes.

  3. Hi Hong Yu!

    Communication skills are indeed important in today's world. I am similar to you when it comes to presentation, especially during Q&A time when the teacher throws you with unexpected questions. However, I believe that practice makes perfect and we will eventually be able to lessen the nervousness and present better.

    Below are some mistakes that I've found:

    Paragraph 3 line 2: I think 'started' should be 'start' as you are talking about things that are still happening, hence it should not be in past tense.

    Paragraph 5 line 1: There is a tense error on the word 'believed', it should be 'believe' instead.

    I enjoyed reading your blog and I hope to get to know you better in Prof Blackstone's class!

    1. Hi Glenna,

      Thank you for pointing my mistakes and I have made the necessary changes to my blog post.

  4. Hi Hong Yu,

    I've read your blog post and I would like to say that fret not buddy you are not the only one that needs help with communicating effectively with people, we are all here in this course together!

    Half-way through reading your email, I believed I've spotted a few points that can be improved in your blog, so hope this helps:

    1) Paragraph 1, Line 4, 'where I do not have the luxury and privilege'

    - Part of effective communication is to be clear and concise in our writing. In this case, 'luxury' and 'privilege' have similar meanings, I would recommend to omit one of those two words out.

    2) Paragraph 3, Line 2-3, 'I will lose my train of thoughts and I started stuttering or mumbling, unable to express myself with clarity.'

    - I think it will be clearer if you write it this way - Unable to express myself with full clarity, I started stuttering while i slowly lose my train of thoughts.

    3) Paragraph 3, Line 3-4, ‘For example, during a class presentation in polytechnic, I had prepared myself for the presentation beforehand.’

    - I think it is unnecessary to repeat the word ‘presentation’ twice in a sentence.

    4) Paragraph 4, Line 4, Line 1, ‘I always got engaged in a dialogue with my friends.’

    - I believe in this case, you can omit the word ‘got’ the word ‘dialogue’ is a bit too formal when you are having a conversation with your friends. I will suggest to replace with the sentence - I always find myself engaged in a proper conversation with my friends.

    I hope the above has helped you and thanks for sharing with us!

    1. Hi Jie Ming,

      Thank you for pointing out my mistakes in my blog post and I have made the necessary changes.

  5. Dear Hong Yu,

    Thank you for this formal letter and for your various edits. I'm also very impressed that you have commented on so many classmates' posts.

    In terms of this post, I appreciate how you paint a detailed picture of your communication strengths and weaknesses and your Mandarin-speaking background. Regarding your current skill levels, the info you present is open and honest. I like the way you illustrate your ideas with specific examples. At the same time, I have no doubt that we can address your learning goals by the work we do in this module.

    To start that process off, in terms of your goal for further developing your writing, I see a few issues:

    1) of paramount >>> ?
    2) >>> (inconsistent verb tense usage)
    -- Unable to express myself with full clarity, I started stuttering while I slowly lose my train of thoughts.
    -- My classmates and lecturers sometimes may not understand what I was presenting and thus it adversely affected my results.
    3) On the contrary, being a good listener is my strength. >>> (wrong transition word)

    None of this critique should eclipse the fine effort you have made on this assignment. I look forward to working with you this term.

    Best wishes,


    1. Hi Prof Brad,

      I have already make the necessary changes on my blog and hopefully that the latest version of my edit is correct.

      I enjoy learning from you and with consistent writing, hopefully my written communication will improve.

      Hong Yu

  6. Hello Hong Yu!

    Personally, I felt that your post is thorough and have a proper flow. I can find minimal grammar mistakes. However, I felt that maybe you can have a better phrasing of your sentences.

    For example in paragraph 3, "Unable to express myself with full clarity, I started stuttering while I slowly lose my train of thoughts". The sentence might be a little confusing. Hence i think,"When I am nervous, I tend to stutter on my words which causes me to lose my train of thoughts." would be clearer. On top of that, I would recommend to avoid using the word "sometimes" too often, as it may sound quite redundant.

    From the past assignment that we did together, I noticed that you're very particular and hardworking, but like what you had mentioned in your blog post, you tend to get very nervous when you have to speak. But do not worry, I believe through this module you can improve your communication skills. Hoping to work with you in the near future! In the meantime, just give yourself more confident!


    1. Hi Junhe,

      Thank you for taking your time to read my blog and your feedback is appreciated. I also do have some feedback for you with regards to your suggestion.

      In paragraph 3, as I have use the word 'nervous' in my previous sentence, I do not want to repeat the same word again. I want to describe the state of nervousness that I have to my readers rather than telling (telling is not as effective as showing), hence I have decided to combine your suggestion and my current one.

      I hope you understand my intend.

      Hong Yu