tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5144195951024673621.post4061052977032901776..comments2022-12-10T20:56:32.954+08:00Comments on SIE2016 Effective Communication: Formal Email: Self IntroductionHong Yuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05568553540880781902noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5144195951024673621.post-61011025217327244262017-09-22T21:35:35.912+08:002017-09-22T21:35:35.912+08:00Hi Junhe,
Thank you for taking your time to read ...Hi Junhe,<br /><br />Thank you for taking your time to read my blog and your feedback is appreciated. I also do have some feedback for you with regards to your suggestion.<br /><br />In paragraph 3, as I have use the word 'nervous' in my previous sentence, I do not want to repeat the same word again. I want to describe the state of nervousness that I have to my readers rather than telling (telling is not as effective as showing), hence I have decided to combine your suggestion and my current one. <br /><br />I hope you understand my intend.<br /><br />Regards,<br />Hong YuHong Yuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05568553540880781902noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5144195951024673621.post-10644926266103804882017-09-21T16:25:19.042+08:002017-09-21T16:25:19.042+08:00Hello Hong Yu!
Personally, I felt that your post ...Hello Hong Yu!<br /><br />Personally, I felt that your post is thorough and have a proper flow. I can find minimal grammar mistakes. However, I felt that maybe you can have a better phrasing of your sentences. <br /><br />For example in paragraph 3, "Unable to express myself with full clarity, I started stuttering while I slowly lose my train of thoughts". The sentence might be a little confusing. Hence i think,"When I am nervous, I tend to stutter on my words which causes me to lose my train of thoughts." would be clearer. On top of that, I would recommend to avoid using the word "sometimes" too often, as it may sound quite redundant. <br /><br />From the past assignment that we did together, I noticed that you're very particular and hardworking, but like what you had mentioned in your blog post, you tend to get very nervous when you have to speak. But do not worry, I believe through this module you can improve your communication skills. Hoping to work with you in the near future! In the meantime, just give yourself more confident!<br /><br />Cheers,<br />Junhe<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09421299031771004007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5144195951024673621.post-35557977212609689602017-09-21T00:50:39.658+08:002017-09-21T00:50:39.658+08:00Hi Prof Brad,
I have already make the necessary c...Hi Prof Brad,<br /><br />I have already make the necessary changes on my blog and hopefully that the latest version of my edit is correct.<br /><br />I enjoy learning from you and with consistent writing, hopefully my written communication will improve.<br /><br />Regards,<br />Hong YuHong Yuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05568553540880781902noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5144195951024673621.post-32868396117953488632017-09-19T13:02:29.870+08:002017-09-19T13:02:29.870+08:00Dear Hong Yu,
Thank you for this formal letter an...Dear Hong Yu,<br /><br />Thank you for this formal letter and for your various edits. I'm also very impressed that you have commented on so many classmates' posts. <br /><br />In terms of this post, I appreciate how you paint a detailed picture of your communication strengths and weaknesses and your Mandarin-speaking background. Regarding your current skill levels, the info you present is open and honest. I like the way you illustrate your ideas with specific examples. At the same time, I have no doubt that we can address your learning goals by the work we do in this module.<br /><br />To start that process off, in terms of your goal for further developing your writing, I see a few issues:<br /><br />1) of paramount >>> ?<br />2) >>> (inconsistent verb tense usage)<br />-- Unable to express myself with full clarity, I started stuttering while I slowly lose my train of thoughts. <br />-- My classmates and lecturers sometimes may not understand what I was presenting and thus it adversely affected my results.<br />3) On the contrary, being a good listener is my strength. >>> (wrong transition word)<br /><br />None of this critique should eclipse the fine effort you have made on this assignment. I look forward to working with you this term. <br /><br />Best wishes,<br /><br />BradBrad Blackstonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18001866738761391331noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5144195951024673621.post-51993305516209519362017-09-19T00:51:47.311+08:002017-09-19T00:51:47.311+08:00Hi Jie Ming,
Thank you for pointing out my mistak...Hi Jie Ming,<br /><br />Thank you for pointing out my mistakes in my blog post and I have made the necessary changes. Hong Yuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05568553540880781902noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5144195951024673621.post-1206617587443051872017-09-19T00:50:14.696+08:002017-09-19T00:50:14.696+08:00Hi Glenna,
Thank you for pointing my mistakes and...Hi Glenna,<br /><br />Thank you for pointing my mistakes and I have made the necessary changes to my blog post.Hong Yuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05568553540880781902noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5144195951024673621.post-74036498405765927672017-09-18T13:58:15.056+08:002017-09-18T13:58:15.056+08:00Hi Hong Yu,
I've read your blog post and I w...Hi Hong Yu, <br /><br />I've read your blog post and I would like to say that fret not buddy you are not the only one that needs help with communicating effectively with people, we are all here in this course together! <br /><br />Half-way through reading your email, I believed I've spotted a few points that can be improved in your blog, so hope this helps:<br /><br />1) Paragraph 1, Line 4, 'where I do not have the luxury and privilege'<br /><br />- Part of effective communication is to be clear and concise in our writing. In this case, 'luxury' and 'privilege' have similar meanings, I would recommend to omit one of those two words out. <br /><br />2) Paragraph 3, Line 2-3, 'I will lose my train of thoughts and I started stuttering or mumbling, unable to express myself with clarity.' <br /><br />- I think it will be clearer if you write it this way - Unable to express myself with full clarity, I started stuttering while i slowly lose my train of thoughts. <br /><br />3) Paragraph 3, Line 3-4, ‘For example, during a class presentation in polytechnic, I had prepared myself for the presentation beforehand.’ <br /><br />- I think it is unnecessary to repeat the word ‘presentation’ twice in a sentence. <br /><br />4) Paragraph 4, Line 4, Line 1, ‘I always got engaged in a dialogue with my friends.’ <br /><br />- I believe in this case, you can omit the word ‘got’ the word ‘dialogue’ is a bit too formal when you are having a conversation with your friends. I will suggest to replace with the sentence - I always find myself engaged in a proper conversation with my friends. <br /><br />I hope the above has helped you and thanks for sharing with us! Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17361850130689898170noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5144195951024673621.post-86639974301977478422017-09-18T02:44:42.396+08:002017-09-18T02:44:42.396+08:00Hi Hong Yu!
Communication skills are indeed impor...Hi Hong Yu!<br /><br />Communication skills are indeed important in today's world. I am similar to you when it comes to presentation, especially during Q&A time when the teacher throws you with unexpected questions. However, I believe that practice makes perfect and we will eventually be able to lessen the nervousness and present better.<br /><br />Below are some mistakes that I've found:<br /><br />Paragraph 3 line 2: I think 'started' should be 'start' as you are talking about things that are still happening, hence it should not be in past tense.<br /><br />Paragraph 5 line 1: There is a tense error on the word 'believed', it should be 'believe' instead.<br /><br />I enjoyed reading your blog and I hope to get to know you better in Prof Blackstone's class!Glenna Woohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17572906699959250451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5144195951024673621.post-7714916416900303832017-09-13T22:21:31.489+08:002017-09-13T22:21:31.489+08:00Hi Jun Peng,
Thanks for your "diagnosis"...Hi Jun Peng,<br /><br />Thanks for your "diagnosis" on my blog. I have already made the necessary changes.Hong Yuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05568553540880781902noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5144195951024673621.post-4704884562629902982017-09-13T00:27:06.298+08:002017-09-13T00:27:06.298+08:00Hi Hong Yu,
I believe you've made some gramma...Hi Hong Yu,<br /><br />I believe you've made some grammatical mistakes in your writings.<br /><br />1) In paragraph 1 (line 2), you've already used the word 'english' in the first half of the sentence, so you do not need to mention it in the second half. For example, you could've said '... and privilege to practice speaking at home' since you've already mentioned the word 'english' before. Furthermore, 'english' should be in lowercase as well since it isn't a course name.<br /><br />2) Word form error such as 'introverted personality' (paragraph 1, line 3) since introvert is a noun and you should've used an adjective here. Verb form error (paragraph 3, line 5) where you mentioned 'were disorganize'. It's a past participle so you could've used 'disorganized' instead.<br /><br />3) (paragraph 3, line 2) Same issue as the first pointer where you've used double 'I' here. 'and started stuttering or...' could've been better.<br /><br />Apart from those, the reflection is very insightful and I wish you all the best.<br /><br />Best regards,<br />Jun Peng<br /><br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02543654829905850456noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5144195951024673621.post-1213578586787509452017-09-07T08:44:10.456+08:002017-09-07T08:44:10.456+08:00Thank you for being one of the first to post this ...Thank you for being one of the first to post this assignment, Hong Yu. I look forward to reading your classmates' responses. I'll get back to you later.Brad Blackstonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18001866738761391331noreply@blogger.com